


Prolonged Disagreement

by poselikeateam



Series: The Witcher: Director's Cut [6]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Fae Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Cares About Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, Immortal Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Johnny Dangerously references, M/M, Movie Reference, Multi, Non-Human Jaskier | Dandelion, Overprotective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, POV Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Random Encounters, Valdo Marx Bashing, Valdo Marx Being an Asshole, Witcher Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poselikeateam/pseuds/poselikeateam
Summary: Perhaps, with how much Jaskier hates the man, Geralt expected to meet him earlier. Perhaps he expected never to meet him at all. One thing is for sure, though: when Geralt of Rivia meets Valdo Marx, he has no trouble understanding why his husband hates the man so much.[inspired by/quotes from Johnny Dangerously]
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Jaskier | Dandelion & Valdo Marx
Series: The Witcher: Director's Cut [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1912885
Comments: 9
Kudos: 292





	Prolonged Disagreement

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to do a Johnny Dangerously fic for _ages_. It's a hilarious movie and I'll probably do more because the "fargin icehole bastiges" bit would be really fun. Basically, if you haven't seen it, there's a character named Danny Vermin that the main character, Johnny, grew up with. Johnny is played by Michael Keaton. Danny was always a piece of shit, and only got worse. The "Don't __ me, my [relative] __ me once... once!" thing is a running gag in the movie. I only left one of them out, I think, and only because I couldn't make it fit well.
> 
> ETA I accidentally uploaded this under the working title "Jaskier Dangerously" first, my bad lol

It's a while before Geralt actually meets the infamous Valdo Marx. Jaskier has described him as, among many other (and far worse) things, _a real scumbag, Geralt, an absolute scoundrel!_ Before meeting him, Geralt doesn't know what to think. Jaskier is kind and friendly by nature, and never seems to dislike anyone without good reason. At the same time, he talks the same way about Yennefer, sort of, and they're _married_ , all three of them. So maybe Marx is an old flame that Jaskier has never really gotten over. 

Geralt has always been told to avoid dealing with the fae when possible. They'll never make any sense and the second you open your mouth you've lost. Apparently he is terrible at following his mentors' advice, because they were _right_ , but he still married one _anyway_.

(It was the best decision he's ever made.)

At any rate, Geralt doesn't meet Valdo Marx until after they're all married. Decades of hearing about the man have resulted in Geralt having created a mental image of what he thinks Valdo Marx will be. 

He is wrong.

Marx doesn't have any particularly villainous facial hair, nor is he wearing an exceptionally large hat. None of his teeth are gold, and he doesn't even have red eyes or claws. What a disappointment.

Okay, obviously, he's joking. It's what he tells Jaskier afterwards, straight-faced, because he knows the way the bard will roar with laughter. In this moment, though, Valdo Marx is in front of him for the first time, and he can see the way Jaskier bristles like an alley cat even as he schools his features into a perfect mask of refined contempt. 

"Valdo, it's been ages," Jaskier says. "Haven't seen you since the Academy."

Marx laughs in a way that's probably meant to be somewhat polite but feels slimy in Geralt's ears. "Thought I'd met some tragic demise?" he taunts.

Jaskier, in response, shrugs. "Well, perhaps if you had, you'd be able to contribute to the creation of a good song for once, depending on the story."

Geralt can only watch, strangely captivated by this odd exchange. He's seen Jaskier in his element — artfully weaving words to suit his needs, silver tongue spinning tales and dripping with honey and poison — but the bard is rarely so direct. It's part of the game, and Geralt knows that Jaskier finds a certain joy in it. He can insult people in a way that they thank him for his kind words. This is just straightforward, by Jaskier's standards. 

The two of them bicker, and Geralt feels like he's watching a sparring match. In a way, he supposes he is, but it's so different from the type of sparring he's used to, and it fascinates him. 

It's only when Marx says, "I've been fulfilling a lot of people's prophecies about me; I've become a real scumbag," in the most sickeningly gleeful way that Geralt tunes in to their conversation again. And he doesn't know what the context is, and he'll let Jaskier lecture him for that later, but right now that sounded like a threat and _nobody_ is going to threaten _his_ bard except for Geralt and Yennefer. Maybe sometimes Ciri, too. But not Marx.

So the witcher stands in one fluid motion and grabs the interloping musician by the shoulder, not bothering to be gentle about it, and turns him so they're facing one another. "Go away," he growls. 

Marx shoves Geralt's hand off of his shoulder, and the witcher allows it. Then, however, rather than backing off like a sane human being might, Marx scowls right back at him. 

"You shouldn't grab me, witcher," he hisses. "My mother grabbed me once... _Once!"_ He holds up one finger in Geralt's face, and the witcher has a brief mental image of himself leaning that little bit forward and biting it off. He won't, but he can't help being a little satisfied when he imagines it anyway. 

Jaskier, of course, smooths things over, more or less. When the other bard is no longer around, Jaskier tuts at him. 

"Sweetheart," he says, eyes shining with amusement, "I appreciate your whole _overprotective husband_ thing, really, but you really don't need to do all that. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can," Geralt answers, frowning. "Doesn't mean I don't want to."

And Jaskier melts and kisses him, and they forget all about Valdo sodding Marx. 

Until the next time they see him.

This time, Geralt does keep his hands to himself. At first, anyway. The point is that he really, really tries. But then Marx gets too close, shoving himself into Jaskier's personal space, and Geralt frankly isn't going to allow that show of aggression. It's childish, rude, and no sort of behaviour for a grown man in a public place.

So Geralt, fists clenched around the front of Valdo Marx's doublet, lifts him from the floor, walks over to the coat hooks by the door, and hangs Marx there by the back of his doublet. 

"You shouldn't hang me on a hook, witcher. My father hung me on a hook once..." Marx thrusts one finger in Geralt's face and hisses, _"Once!"_

Jaskier rolls his eyes and drags Geralt out of the tavern ( _really, I can't go anywhere with you, which is frankly a problem for two men whose literal _jobs_ involve _going anywhere__ ) and Geralt, perhaps foolishly, hopes that this is the last time they run into Valdo Marx. 

Once again, it is not.

This time, Ciri is with them, because both she and Geralt had been in the area and decided to take on a contract together, like they used to. Not only is Ciri with them, but this is her first experience with Valdo Marx. Geralt does not know whether this means he should worry more or less. He supposes he can play it by ear and adapt to the situation. 

To be absolutely fair, Geralt does absolutely keep his hands to himself this time. He does not lay a finger on Valdo Marx.

His daughter does.

Which, still, is not Ciri's fault because Marx was the first one to draw a weapon. They're in their campsite in the middle of the damned woods, and Marx pulls out a fucking crossbow. "This goes through armour," he sneers, clearly more pleased than he should be. "And through the victim, through the wall, through a tree outside..." 

Before he can continue, Ciri steps in and kicks him in the balls. Hard. And Geralt is absolutely, one hundred percent on board with that, by the way. A strange man walks into your campsite and starts showing off his weapon, you'd better attack before he can use it. So when his daughter kicks Valdo Marx in the balls, and the minstrel goes down on his knees, Geralt can practically feel his chest swelling with pride. 

"You shouldn't kick me in the balls, lady," he wheezes. "My sister kicked me in the balls once..." 

Geralt does not like Valdo Marx.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. This is my 51st Witcher fanfic, and as of today I have uploaded daily for four straight months. That said, I'm taking a break. I have my own book to work on. It's about a man who loves dad jokes, accidentally falling in love with a fae, and all the fuckery that comes with it. 
> 
> I'm not giving up on writing fanfic because I do really enjoy it, but for the forseeable future I'm not going to have any sort of schedule. If I finish something, I'll put it up. If it's multi-chapter, I'll do a chapter a day until it's done. I might post excerpts of my book if people seem into that sort of thing also? The most reliable place to reach me is my twitter, @poselikeateam where I post updates if there are any and answer questions if anyone has them. For the next week at least, though, I will probably not post anything. I don't have an exact date, I'm just gonna post when I have something, which is how I started this streak in the first place.
> 
> It's been a wild ride. The feedback has been amazing, and the support has been incredible, and I absolutely adore you guys. Thanks so much, I don't think I've ever stuck with anything this long in my life. See ya soon <3


End file.
